The Drama Llama Triangle
Ah, the Dreaded Drama Triangle
Coined by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle describes three unconscious roles we slip into when we’re overwhelmed, dysregulated, or acting out old patterns. These roles aren’t who you are. They’re simply protective behaviors that rise up when an old wound gets activated.
We all touch every role at times, but most people have one or two they fall into more consistently.
And here’s the thing people forget:
every single role is a “victim” role.
They are the roles we take on in the drama of life when we’ve lost connection to our center, our truth, and our power.
I’ve come to understand it is an ever evolving process of letting go of these roles. We will never get it 100% right. And that’s ok!
The Drama Llama Test
For each statement, rate how often it feels true:
0 = Never | 1 = Meh, I guess sometimes | 2 = Ya, I do that… | 3 = Ya, I do that a lot, a Lot
Drama Llama A
I often feel overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward in challenging situations.
When things go wrong, I tend to shut down or withdraw until the stress passes.
I sometimes feel like other people have more power or influence over my life than I do.
I hesitate to make decisions because I’m afraid of choosing the wrong thing.
When I’m struggling, I find myself waiting for someone else to step in or help.
Total points: _______
Drama Llama B
I feel responsible for keeping the peace or making sure others are okay.
I often jump in to offer help before someone asks for it.
I feel guilty when I prioritize my own needs or take time for myself.
I get uncomfortable when others are upset, so I try to make things better quickly.
I tend to take on more than I have capacity for because it feels easier than setting boundaries.
Total points: _______
Drama Llama C
I get frustrated when things aren’t done the “right” way.
I blame or criticize more quickly when I feel stressed or misunderstood.
I believe situations would go smoother if people followed my guidance.
I become defensive when I feel like someone is challenging me.
I lose patience when others move slowly or seem unsure.
Total points: _______
What Your Highest Score Means
If Group A is highest: Victim Energy
Your stress pattern leans toward needing support, clarity, and confidence. You may feel overwhelmed or unsure how to act when things get hard.
If Group B is highest: Rescuer / Hero Energy
Your stress pattern involves over-helping or over-giving. You may take responsibility for other people’s emotions, often at the expense of your own needs.
If Group C is highest: Persecutor / Villain Energy
Your stress pattern involves tightening into control, leading with criticism or intensity to protect yourself from feeling vulnerable.
None of these are moral flaws.
One stress response isn’t better or worse than another
They’re nervous-system strategies, ways you learned to stay safe.
The Hidden Fear Under Each Role
If Group A is highest
Victim Energy
Hidden Fear: “I’m not capable.”
This includes fear of:
• choosing wrong
• failing
• being alone with responsibility
• not having what it takes
• life happening to you
This role emerges when your inner strength feels far away.
They’re often highly intuitive.
Their sensitivity isn’t weakness, it’s perception turned inward. When overwhelmed, that same sensitivity collapses into helplessness.
They usually carry deep wisdom but don’t trust it yet.
They know what needs to happen but fear acting on it.
Their “freeze” response is often mistaken for passivity.
It’s actually their nervous system trying to protect them.
They often grew up needing permission to act.
The world taught them to wait for direction or approval.
They don’t want rescuing, they want courage.
Even though they think they want someone to fix things, what actually liberates them is small doses of empowerment.
The Inner Child Wound: “I wasn’t supported, so I learned to feel small.”
This wound forms when a child feels:
• unsupported or unseen
• overwhelmed with too much responsibility too soon
• criticized for trying
• shut down for expressing needs
• discouraged from making their own choices
They learned:
“If I stay small, I stay safe.”
If Group B is highest
Rescuer/ Hero energy
Hidden Fear: “If I don’t take care of others, I won’t be valued or loved.”
This includes fear of:
• disappointing people
• being unappreciated
• losing connection
• being “too much” or “not enough”
• worthiness tied to usefulness
This role emerges when you learned love is earned, not inherent.
They rescue to regulate their own anxiety.
Fixing someone else is often a way to settle their own nervous system.
They’re deeply uncomfortable receiving.
Their giving is partly generosity, partly self-protection.
They often confuse empathy with obligation.
Feeling someone’s discomfort automatically becomes their responsibility.
They attract people who don’t want to grow.
That dynamic feels familiar and safe even though it drains them.
Their identity is often woven into being “needed.”
Without a problem to solve, they can feel purposeless or invisible.
The Inner Child Wound: “My worth comes from taking care of others.”
This wound forms when a child feels:
• responsible for a parent’s emotions
• praised for being “the good one” or “the helper”
• guilted into caretaking roles
• needed more than they were nurtured
• valued for what they did, not who they were
They learned:
“If I’m useful, I’m lovable.”
If Group C is highest
Persecutor/ Villain energy
Hidden Fear: “If I’m not in control, I’ll get hurt.”
This includes fear of:
• vulnerability
• chaos
• misunderstanding
• emotional exposure
• relying on others
This role emerges when safety has historically felt fragile.
They’re usually the most sensitive of the three roles.
Their intensity is a shield over a very tender heart.
Control is their nervous system’s way of creating safety.
When life feels unpredictable, they tighten.
Their anger is often grief in disguise.
A lifetime of feeling unheard, unseen, or unsupported.
They are often the caretakers of the family in their own way.
They manage, plan, enforce, protect. It’s “helping,” just not softly.
They fear emotional exposure more than anything.
Vulnerability feels like danger. Authority feels like safety.
The Inner Child Wound: “I had to be strong to survive.”
This wound forms when a child feels:
• emotionally unsafe
• unheard or dismissed
• shamed for vulnerability
• controlled by unpredictable adults
• punished for expressing softer emotions
They learned:
“If I don’t stay in control, I get hurt.”
The True Need Beneath Each Role
Group A (Victim) → Needs Empowerment + Support
Not rescuing — support.
Not control — confidence.
This part of you needs:
• reassurance
• capability
• grounding
• encouragement
• small wins that build trust in yourself
Group B (Rescuer) → Needs Boundaries + Worthiness
This part of you needs:
• inherent self-worth
• rest without guilt
• permission to say no
• reciprocal support
• trust that others can handle their own path
Group C (Persecutor) → Needs Safety + Expression
This part of you needs:
• emotional safety
• softer self-expression
• collaboration
• reassurance
• healthier ways to influence and lead
Your Superpowered States
Here’s the magic: once the fear softens and the true need is met, each role transforms into something powerful.
Victim → The Creator
Superpower: Creative Empowerment
• calm action
• clarity
• resourcefulness
• intuitive problem-solving
• turning sensitivity into guidance
Their magic: seeing doorways where others see walls.
Hero → The Coach / Healer
Superpower: Embodied Compassion
• support without fixing
• deep listening
• wise empathy
• boundaries with love
• uplifting others without losing yourself
Their magic: transforming others simply by being whole.
Villian → The Challenger / Leader
Superpower: Clear, Empowered Leadership
• grounded authority
• accountability without shame
• healthy boundaries
• strong discernment
• intensity turned into purpose
Their magic: helping others rise by holding a high standard with heart.
The Universal Ascension Path
When these patterns evolve, something profound happens:
• Sensitivity becomes intuition.
• Intensity becomes clarity.
• Care becomes wisdom.
• Vulnerability becomes strength.
• Boundaries become love.
Every role carries a hidden superpower waiting to be reclaimed.
When the wound softens, the magic returns.
